Two more days....

to wait for the blessed test results. Why in the world does it take so long? It's simple, scan the score sheet and send me the score. Now I realize that there are potentially thousands of people taking their certification tests on the same day, but really is all that hard to score a multiple choice test. I've done over a hundred in just an hour or two and I don't have a machine to do it. Being in limbo and not knowing exactly where I will be working in one month is really taking its toll on me. I just want to know and get to work. I have things I could be doing for either position and can't because of this test. This test is the end all, be all of crap. I've been in this position before and have lost out and I know I was devastated then. I know that I will be this time as well even if I've been telling myself not to get my hopes up. It will happen and I will be crushed and crying for days again. The first three weeks of waiting weren't as bad as these last few days. It's just overwhelming and unthinkable that we should have to wait for test results for so long. I know people in other professions who take the test at a site online in a structured environment and know when they leave if they passed or failed. Why can't this happen for the teaching profession? Are they so worried that we will cheat? It amazes me the lengths the state has gone to to deter the cheating and the fact that the reason for these deterants is because someone probably cheated. How and why would they cheat? The waiting game is taking over my mind and I don't know how much more I can take. Both schools want and need to know what I'm doing. I have paperwork to fill out to resign and paperwork to fill out for the new school, but I can't do either because I don't know which to do. This brings me to why is each little city/village its own school district? Why not have a county school district? This would be beneficial in so many ways. First, I wouldn't be worrying about changing districts. Second, they would only have to pay one superintendent instead of 10-20 depending on the county. Third, school's of choice would not be an issue. The county district would simply get the money no matter what. Fourth, teachers and students would be able to work harder with and for each other with smaller class sizes. I'll stop there, but mostly it is about me for now. What a pain in the !@#% this is!!!

Also, my sweet little toddler seems to be taking on aggressive tendancies and I don't know what to do about them. The other night she was sitting on my lap and we were watching Maisy. Maisy was singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star so I started to sing along to M. She head butted me in the face with the back of her head. I thought she broke my nose. I was crying and let out some serious naughty words. It hurt like a $%^*!!! R came in and took her so I could look at the damage, which fortunately for everyone, there was no visible damage. That was Monday and my nose and tooth still hurt. The tooth may in fact be a bit loose. Why did she do this? I was just trying to sing her a song. R made it very clear to her that she hurt me and she said she was sorry with what seemed like some sympathy. That is the one thing I can count on from him. He will be stern with her if she hurts me in any way. Later, I went to tuck her in and I started to cry again because I was just so sad that she had done this. I think she really felt bad, but it just floored me that she had done this. She has been a kicker and a pusher on occasion, but never has she been so deliberate in hurting. I have really had to be quite stern with her lately as well. She doesn't want to take a nap and instead plays or reads books. Today while she was supposed to be napping, she had blocks, book, animals, and a trash can in her bead. I also discovered that she had filled the toilet with wet wipes and had clogged it. I really got after her and she did what I told her and went to sleep, but I had to really get after her. Am I being too strict? I'm hoping that this is just a stage. She seems to have so much energy and it's so hot out that we can't really burn it off. Am I horrible for just wanting to read a book or watch the news and drink my coffee? I know my friend at LawMommy would tell me to not feel guilty and I will try very hard not to be. I feel more guilt while being home with her than I do when I work. I know that staying at home is not my gig and work will do me, her, and R some good. I don't feel guilty about working. I know that when I leave her at daycare she is eating, playing, socializing, sharing, laughing, learning, running, jumping, etc. She has a great time there and I don't worry or feel one bit guilty. I just don't know how to get her to understand that hitting of any kind is bad and when I say no, I mean no.

In other family news, my mom cracked a rib when she fell into a boat, my dad is on oxygen at night for his sleep appnia (sp), my oldest brother and his family are doing OK after the wife was released from the room of bars, my second brother and his family are finally moved into their new addition after years of work, and my third brother and his family are doing well right where they are. My inlaws insist that my two year old can ride in the car in just a booster seat and R doesn't seem to care. Hello, it's against the state law for her not to be in a car seat!!! My brother-in-law won't let his four year old run at the park, very amusing. My sister-in-law and I have a fun connection and we laugh about lots of things, usually relating to how alike yet different our husbands are and about how our mother-in-law is always discussing weird medical conditions that we just don't want to know.

Have a great whatever, since I post most irregulary.
LOL,
CDR