Sunday, January 28, 2007

Anxiety

For the past three nights I have been having chest pains. I tried very hard not to tell R because he freaks out, but finally last night I told him. He freaked and made me go to the ER. This was a good idea, but I had to go alone because he needed to stay home with M. I arrived at 1:00amish and was hooked up to the heart moniter and they ran the EKG. They did blood work, gave me an IV, and said I would have to stay for 4-5 hours to be monitored. My heart rate was a tad high and my blood presure was high for me. They could see no signs of anything wrong with my heart, but I had to wait it out. I called R and told him that I would be there for awhile and he said that the moon was shining and it looked like a cross. This was also a bit freaky. I'm not sure if he was just tired or what, but he even tried to take pictures.

I learned later in the night that my bloodwork was normal, my EKG was good, and the chest x-rays showed no signs of anything. My heartrate and blood presure were also back to normal. This is funny because I was still having and am still having pain in my chest. They ran more bloodwork at 5:30am and that all came back clear. Therefore, no heart problems, but they say I had an anxiety attack. They perscribed some Xanax and sent me home.

Anxiety attack? Doesn't everyone have anxiety? Why now? I'm still a bit worried and I think the major cause of this is the fact that R keeps acting like he's twelve and stupid. He had a huge hissy fit yesterday about our cats and went nuts. I mean really nuts. He didn't want M to see that he was mad and I was at class so he bit his finger. He drew blood. What has happened to the calm, cool headed man that I married? I think I've turned him into a raving loon. I don't know what to do anymore. Are we just in a rut? We spent so much of our marriage trying to have a baby that maybe we just don't have anything else to work for. We don't really fight, we just don't talk or anything anymore. Maybe I'm not anxious, maybe I'm depressed. We'll see how the Xanex works and go from there.

Sorry to vent, I can't really just open up about this right now. I just needed to get it off my chest, literally.

CDR

2 comments:

Charlie said...

I'm so sorry you're stressed. I wish I had some advise for you, but I've never been very good at that sort of thing. I'm sure it's a combination of things... work, grad school, family... things do tend to pile up on us all at once. Not that it makes it any easier, just know you've got friends who support you.

Carma said...

I usually handle stress well, no big deal. I don't know why all of a sudden, bam. It's like getting kicked while down. I'll be OK, just some things to work out. I love being able to vent here. I think it lessens the stress. Thanks for thinking about me.