I went to the regular doctor today for the ER follow up. He is scheduling me for an echo-cardio gram and stress test. This sounds like fun. I'm 32 and am going through this. What the heck? I'm happy that he wants to rule out a problem with my heart, but now I have to do the tests. He thinks it could be three things: anxiety, heart, or acid relux. Acid Relux? I have NEVER had any signs of this, not even when I was pregnant. I took some Xanax and am feeling pretty good right now. R is also feeling a bit guilty about his hissy fit childish behavior because of my anxiety. It could really all be for the best on that front.
However, to add to my anxiety, my mom called with very distressing news that my grandpa is not well. He has pancreatitis (sp) which is caused by the gall stones that he has. They need to remove his gall bladder. This is normally no big whoop, but HE'S ALMOST 91 WITH A BAD HEART AND FLUID IN HIS LUNGS! He could die from the anasthetic or the gall stones or the heart trouble or the lung problems. Chances are not looking good and he's in a lot of pain. I'm also four hours away. I didn't tell Mom what was wrong with me because she has enough on her plate. I didn't plan on telling anyone until I knew what was wrong either. No need to worry the family ahead of schedule. I just need hugs. M gave me tons yesterday and today. I just love that little girl to pieces.
More when I know it.
CDR
Monday, January 29, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Anxiety
For the past three nights I have been having chest pains. I tried very hard not to tell R because he freaks out, but finally last night I told him. He freaked and made me go to the ER. This was a good idea, but I had to go alone because he needed to stay home with M. I arrived at 1:00amish and was hooked up to the heart moniter and they ran the EKG. They did blood work, gave me an IV, and said I would have to stay for 4-5 hours to be monitored. My heart rate was a tad high and my blood presure was high for me. They could see no signs of anything wrong with my heart, but I had to wait it out. I called R and told him that I would be there for awhile and he said that the moon was shining and it looked like a cross. This was also a bit freaky. I'm not sure if he was just tired or what, but he even tried to take pictures.
I learned later in the night that my bloodwork was normal, my EKG was good, and the chest x-rays showed no signs of anything. My heartrate and blood presure were also back to normal. This is funny because I was still having and am still having pain in my chest. They ran more bloodwork at 5:30am and that all came back clear. Therefore, no heart problems, but they say I had an anxiety attack. They perscribed some Xanax and sent me home.
Anxiety attack? Doesn't everyone have anxiety? Why now? I'm still a bit worried and I think the major cause of this is the fact that R keeps acting like he's twelve and stupid. He had a huge hissy fit yesterday about our cats and went nuts. I mean really nuts. He didn't want M to see that he was mad and I was at class so he bit his finger. He drew blood. What has happened to the calm, cool headed man that I married? I think I've turned him into a raving loon. I don't know what to do anymore. Are we just in a rut? We spent so much of our marriage trying to have a baby that maybe we just don't have anything else to work for. We don't really fight, we just don't talk or anything anymore. Maybe I'm not anxious, maybe I'm depressed. We'll see how the Xanex works and go from there.
Sorry to vent, I can't really just open up about this right now. I just needed to get it off my chest, literally.
CDR
I learned later in the night that my bloodwork was normal, my EKG was good, and the chest x-rays showed no signs of anything. My heartrate and blood presure were also back to normal. This is funny because I was still having and am still having pain in my chest. They ran more bloodwork at 5:30am and that all came back clear. Therefore, no heart problems, but they say I had an anxiety attack. They perscribed some Xanax and sent me home.
Anxiety attack? Doesn't everyone have anxiety? Why now? I'm still a bit worried and I think the major cause of this is the fact that R keeps acting like he's twelve and stupid. He had a huge hissy fit yesterday about our cats and went nuts. I mean really nuts. He didn't want M to see that he was mad and I was at class so he bit his finger. He drew blood. What has happened to the calm, cool headed man that I married? I think I've turned him into a raving loon. I don't know what to do anymore. Are we just in a rut? We spent so much of our marriage trying to have a baby that maybe we just don't have anything else to work for. We don't really fight, we just don't talk or anything anymore. Maybe I'm not anxious, maybe I'm depressed. We'll see how the Xanex works and go from there.
Sorry to vent, I can't really just open up about this right now. I just needed to get it off my chest, literally.
CDR
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Worst dinner ever, EVER!
Those of you who know me, know that I hate to cook. I mean absolutely hate to cook. I love to bake and I love to cook for many people, but I HATE making supper. It is the epitome of disasters in our house. If I see one more hot dog, I may lose my mind. Anyway, on the way home from work I called R and asked what he wanted for supper. We have this conversation each and every day and we both dread it like the plague. He suggested we have meatloaf. We all like meatloat and it's an easy dish. Now, don't get me wrong I CAN cook, I just hate it. There are some things that I can do really well, meatloaf is one of them. Well, we always get free beef from my parents and it just so happens that we ran out of burger. Last weekend, I bought some. I have never bought beef of any kind at the store. I take a cooler to my parents and load up. It's frozen and voila instant beef for us. M and I got home and saw that R had already gotten out the dish for the meatloaf. In other words, he knew this morning what he wanted for supper. I got out the store burger and saw that it said to use by today. Cool, we're in luck, it's still good. I didn't even know it was dated. I mixed up the meatloaf with M's help and it went in the oven. I kept checking it out to see its progress and it really didn't look good. I don't even know where to begin on it's look, yuck is the best I can do. Now to top it off, when R went to the store last week, he bought succatash and tonight he suggested we have that with the meatloaf. Yes, that's right succatash. Do you even know what that is? I didn't. I didn't have a clue that this was even a thought to have. I warmed it up and put it out. I cut the meatloaf and put it on the table. R, being the hungriest person in the universe, dug in. I told him it looked different and not to give M any until we had some to see if it was OK. His words, "it tastes different." I said in what way and he just kept saying "different" and he stuffed his face. I took some and tried it and just about threw up. It was rancid and awful. "Different" did not justify the horribly rotten taste of the "meatloaf." To top it off of course was the succatash that went with it. After one bite that didn't go down well, I asked the troops, "who wants hot dogs?" An overwhelming, "MEEEEEE" from both R and M in unison and very high pitched, very cute. We were all laughing so hard about the absolute worst meal. We haven't laughed together like that in a while. M was so funny and laughing with us. We had to settle for hotdogs and carrots. Mostly M ate pear applesauce, her new favorite, and yogurt covered raisins.
From now on we stick to dad's beef and veggies we like. Tomorrow, we are getting take out of some sort. I don't even care what really as long as it's good and I didn't have to cook it.
After the horrible supper, I made chocolate chip cookies, yummy. I hope this makes up for it.
On another note, welcome back to D and G who are home from Vietnam with their daughter.
LOL
CDR
From now on we stick to dad's beef and veggies we like. Tomorrow, we are getting take out of some sort. I don't even care what really as long as it's good and I didn't have to cook it.
After the horrible supper, I made chocolate chip cookies, yummy. I hope this makes up for it.
On another note, welcome back to D and G who are home from Vietnam with their daughter.
LOL
CDR
Monday, January 15, 2007
Melodrama of a day
Well, exams are over, graded, and sent. There was an ice storm last night, but that didn't effect me really. We had an inservice today and the kids have the day off for Martin Luther King day. However, I don't think they really are doing any learning/celebrating for this occasion.
It has been a frustrating day for me though. I can't figure out why R can't take M's temperature. It's an ear thermometer, yet he can't seem to do it. She had a temp. yesterday and this morning. Not a high one, but we kept her home just in case. Our thing is to not be the ones who spread the disease at daycare. Anyway, I went to the inservice, did what had to get done and came home to relieve R so he could go to work. I'm really fed up with him not getting how hard it is for me to miss work. He truly doesn't understand why I couldn't miss today, the day before a new semester. After all, there weren't any students there, it should be easy, right? He needs to wear my shoes for one week and see just how much work is involved in my profession. I believe I've mentioned this before so I won't go there again. He also thinks that I can miss tomorrow to stay home if M is still not 100%. It's the first day of the semester, any takers on that issue? DUH!!! I don't care if he has jury duty, which he does. I think he thinks that I don't want to stay home, but he is TOTALLY missing the point. I would LOVE to stay home, it's just way easier for him to miss work. He can call in and it's done. That's it, no more to do. We all know what every teacher has to do to miss and it is NOT easy. I heard today that a parent at school said teachers shouldn't have kids because teachers then miss work for sick little ones. WHAT? What century is this?
There are other things going on at work that are not huge problems, but are none the less annoyances. We all must face these little things in our work, but they can really be aggravating. I must be in a bad mood today, because I found myself using language that I promised myself I wouldn't use any more. Why do I let myself get so bothered by things that are out of my control? Or for that matter that are in my control but not worth getting so torked up about? Sometimes I really hate that part of me. I get so overworked about something and then am so mad at myself later for how I handled it. I'm really turning into someone I don't want to be in that arena. I don't want to be the overhyped physcopath that people avoid, but there are some days when I feel myself going there. Any advise there?
CDR
It has been a frustrating day for me though. I can't figure out why R can't take M's temperature. It's an ear thermometer, yet he can't seem to do it. She had a temp. yesterday and this morning. Not a high one, but we kept her home just in case. Our thing is to not be the ones who spread the disease at daycare. Anyway, I went to the inservice, did what had to get done and came home to relieve R so he could go to work. I'm really fed up with him not getting how hard it is for me to miss work. He truly doesn't understand why I couldn't miss today, the day before a new semester. After all, there weren't any students there, it should be easy, right? He needs to wear my shoes for one week and see just how much work is involved in my profession. I believe I've mentioned this before so I won't go there again. He also thinks that I can miss tomorrow to stay home if M is still not 100%. It's the first day of the semester, any takers on that issue? DUH!!! I don't care if he has jury duty, which he does. I think he thinks that I don't want to stay home, but he is TOTALLY missing the point. I would LOVE to stay home, it's just way easier for him to miss work. He can call in and it's done. That's it, no more to do. We all know what every teacher has to do to miss and it is NOT easy. I heard today that a parent at school said teachers shouldn't have kids because teachers then miss work for sick little ones. WHAT? What century is this?
There are other things going on at work that are not huge problems, but are none the less annoyances. We all must face these little things in our work, but they can really be aggravating. I must be in a bad mood today, because I found myself using language that I promised myself I wouldn't use any more. Why do I let myself get so bothered by things that are out of my control? Or for that matter that are in my control but not worth getting so torked up about? Sometimes I really hate that part of me. I get so overworked about something and then am so mad at myself later for how I handled it. I'm really turning into someone I don't want to be in that arena. I don't want to be the overhyped physcopath that people avoid, but there are some days when I feel myself going there. Any advise there?
CDR
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Exam time
It's that time of the semester for my students, exams. Why is it that they don't seem to care? I've been pondering some thoughts with my collegues and we've decided that they just don't have any motivation to do well. No matter what we say or do, they don't seem to care. One co-worker stated that she heard a speaker say that we now live in an "it's good enough" society. I have been thinking about that a lot lately and truly believe it. My students will only do what they must just to pass, not what they can to achieve a higher score. It amazes me how many students won't turn in a large piece, half, of the exam, the essay. It bothers me and I tell them how easy it can be and that their grade is depending on this. Still, no essay. I know that I can't make the writing process any easier for them and yet nothing. It's no one kid in particular and I know that this is true across the board in schools everywhere. Why do our young adults feel that it's OK to be just average? As a policy, I do not accept late work for credit. I never have and I don't plan to. However, I get these kids every day asking me to take late work. It's making me wonder if I am speaking in a mute tone that their ipod ears can't hear. What is confusing? NO LATE WORK FOR CREDIT! They can really be so irresponsible and it drives me crazy. If I don't do my job on time, I could potentially lose my job. If they can't meet a small deadline in my class, how will they succeed in the real world? Aren't we, as educators, supposed to prepare them for reality? There can be some outsiders that don't understand this. How I say? Do they not have deadlines to meet in their professions and homes? That's life. Don't pay the bills on time and just see what happens. No power, phone, gas, heat, cable, internet, and on and on and on. They would really be suffering if they couldn't download their songs and videos onto their ipods.
I have a theory regarding all of this, but we'll save that for another time or an in person discussion. Little pitchers have big ears, right?
Whew, I feel better getting that off my chest. I mean no offense to anyone, but I really believe that there are too many people who believe that teachers have it easy. I would like for them to put on my shoes for one week and just see how "easy" we have it. I'm not saying that there aren't harder jobs, but people don't understand the amount of time we put in and how much we value what happens to our future leaders. Plus all of the requirements that are put on us outside of the schools we work for. There aren't many professions like ours where continued education is required not just recommended. It's constantly changing and ongoing.
Anyway, I could go on forever, but I won't. I want to express some happy thoughts to my friends D and G who have their little girl. She is beautiful and we can't wait to meet her.
LOL
CDR
I have a theory regarding all of this, but we'll save that for another time or an in person discussion. Little pitchers have big ears, right?
Whew, I feel better getting that off my chest. I mean no offense to anyone, but I really believe that there are too many people who believe that teachers have it easy. I would like for them to put on my shoes for one week and just see how "easy" we have it. I'm not saying that there aren't harder jobs, but people don't understand the amount of time we put in and how much we value what happens to our future leaders. Plus all of the requirements that are put on us outside of the schools we work for. There aren't many professions like ours where continued education is required not just recommended. It's constantly changing and ongoing.
Anyway, I could go on forever, but I won't. I want to express some happy thoughts to my friends D and G who have their little girl. She is beautiful and we can't wait to meet her.
LOL
CDR
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Happy New Year!
I hope everyone enjoyed ringing in the new year. We stayed at a Holiday Inn so M could go swimming and it was quite fun. She didn't sleep well in the hotel room though. We all ended up going to bed at 8:00 so she would sleep. This was fine with us as we were very tired from the traveling that we had been doing across state. We watched the fire works in Paris and London and said happy new year before we went to bed. Then the neighbors yelled at midnight so it was celebrated. We then got an early start for home and it was good to get here. We enjoyed our last days off and are now ready to face the world tomorrow.
I would like to wish safe travels to my friends D and G who are going to Vietnam to pick up their daughter. I know she will love them as much as they love her.
Happy New Year!
CDR
I would like to wish safe travels to my friends D and G who are going to Vietnam to pick up their daughter. I know she will love them as much as they love her.
Happy New Year!
CDR
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
